Recognizing the Pattern
When You Realize the NERD Will Always NERD
At some point, you stop being surprised. You just do.
You start to notice the pattern: the forgotten pick-ups, the conveniently "lost in the mail" payments, the groundbreaking revelation that everything is, in fact, your fault. It’s as predictable as a Netflix algorithm—you already know what’s coming next. And honestly? That’s where the power shift happens.
See, when you accept that your NERD (Narcissistic Ex Ridiculous Douche) is going to NERD, it stops feeling so personal.
It’s not about being cynical; it’s about being prepared. It’s knowing that when they drop the ball (because they will), you already have a plan in place.
The hardest part? The kids. Always the kids.There was this moment—one of those moments that makes you sick to your stomach—when I had to decide whether to remind my NERD that he was responsible for picking up our daughter from a field trip.
Here were my options:
Remind him, and get a passive-aggressive response about how he’s “not an idiot” and how dare I suggest otherwise.
Say nothing, risk him forgetting, and have my daughter stranded—then get blamed for not reminding him.
See? Pattern. No win.
So, I did what would create the least resistance and, most importantly, keep my daughter safe.
I reminded him.
And right on cue, the snarky text came rolling in. And you know what I did?
Nothing. I let it float by, the same way a cloud shifts shapes and disappears into the sky. Because here’s the thing: the game doesn’t change—YOU do.
The Untethered Soul
Meets
the NERD
​One of the best lessons from The Untethered Soul is this: you are not your thoughts or emotions—you are the one watching them.
So when the inevitable happens—when the NERD gives you that “I swear, I’m going to do better” monologue for the 500th time, or when they insist they’re not a NERD, despite all evidence pointing directly to the contrary—you don’t have to get sucked in.
Instead of letting their chaos drag you into an emotional tornado, you just pause. Breathe. And go, Oh, right. This episode again.It’s like watching a rerun of a show you’ve memorized. Except this time? You don’t have to engage.
You don’t have to defend yourself. You don’t have to get worked up.
This doesn’t mean it won’t sting sometimes. It doesn’t mean you won’t feel frustrated or exhausted or just over it. But it does mean you don’t let those feelings own you. You acknowledge them, you let them pass, and you move on.
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​​​The Best Part? You Get to Choose How You Respond.
The minute you stop taking the NERD’s behavior personally, everything shifts. Because let’s be real—when they blame you for everything, it’s never actually about you. It’s about their inability to take responsibility for their own life.
And that’s not your burden to carry.
The more you practice this—this not engaging, this recognizing the pattern without reacting—the less power they have over you. Their tantrums, their blame games, their ridiculous excuses? They start to feel like background noise.
And eventually, they lose their sting.
That, my friend, is freedom.
Observing Instead of Reacting
​You are not your thoughts or emotions; you are the observer.
When you feel the confusion creeping in, pause. Watch the feeling arise, acknowledge it, and let it pass.
NERDS thrives on reaction—your power is in your ability to stay centered.
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Try This: The next time you feel crazy, ask yourself: What is the actual reality of this situation? If you remove the emotional charge, what remains? This keeps you anchored in truth instead of his distortions.
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